#PrivilegedWhiteGirlProblems

On the manhunt again, and despite owning my own house, the fact I retired early is likely to make the manhunt impossible, unless he’s retired too.  So, that means that he’s going to be older, not younger.  Hummmmm….

My life is so calm and quiet it’s almost frightening.  I have everything I need to get a life going again, but it’s hard to have to stay home because of limited income, so I’m job hunting too.  Despite the recent local publicity, jobs are scarce.  Even non-professional income maintenance positions like retail are difficult to come by.

I implored JLR to write a suit, but it’s not happening, so I have to write it myself.  The stalking has gone on so long, I have had people warn me about the break-ins, and the police refuse to stop my stalkers.  I have made a dozen or so calls over the odd wiring changes, the ring and run knocking scenarios, things hitting me on the head as I walk out the door, and they never investigate.  And then the cars that seem to belong somewhere else, not here.

The problem is that people are assholes, who want to cause damage to others, and can’t live and let live.  One of my friends had a dinner out last night, her sons birthday.  He’s depressed because of health issues.  A neighboring diner attacked him verbally, calling him names, perhaps because her son dropped an F-bomb or two.  Out of thin air!  They were all scared to say anything.  Her son responded diplomatically to him “you don’t know me as a person”  comment, and I don’t think he said anything more.  If it were me, I would have gotten the type of asshole who would have responded to me by saying:  “yes I do.”  It’s the type of thing that makes me want to go onto a military base somewhere, and live inside its gates, forever.  Someplace safe.

Trying to live with the indigent, when you lose your money after a health battle.  Now there’s one for you!!  It’s no longer a #PrivilegedWhiteGirlProblem, but simply a #WhiteGirlProblem!  I think someone tried to murder me, by walking into my kitchen, and turning on the flame on the stove while I was asleep upstairs at Chalfont. My whole apartment was hot, and if I’d let it go on for longer I could have had a real fire or other problems.  I never called anyone, it didn’t seem likely that I’d have any response.   It only happened during the day, and only someone from the office should have had the key.  I got smeared verbally to those in the office, and presumably elsewhere.  So, someone had an agenda.

Trying to find a laser that works for me.

 

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The Empaths Prayer

How do I get my power back?

Love is the medicine for restoration.

Dissolve all guilt and shame.

Renegotiate all contracted agreements with people and the Universe.

Choose your life consciously to renegotiate.

Step into your role as a healer.

If you fully embrace who you are, you are free.

“I forgive everyone, everywhere, in all timelines and realities, especially myself.

I heal everyone, everywhere in all timelines and realities, especially myself.

I take back any power that was stolen from me, from anyone, anywhere and in any timeline and reality, and I give back any power that is not mine.”

 

Ken

I’ve been on a journey, through life, with art, solace, anger, pride, all the emotions and the fears, the let downs, the happiness that is so hard to keep going,  and my path to be a counselor, and I still get hung up on the inhumanity of the human race.  Sometimes, I think we’re basically good, with a few idiots in between who do deliberate bad and sometimes I believe it’s only that we do bad accidently, out of ignorance or pain or fear.  And as I’ve aged I see the planet as in dire need, and no coherent world-view, with ethnocentrism standing in the way.  As a counselor, I see that people in control would have to medicate everyone on the planet to eradicate the idea and power of ethnocentrism.  And I don’t know if there is actually a drug that can do that without leaving the planet with a population of walking dead.  So the idea of life without borders seems an insecure choice, that would leave society shaky.  People tend to believe in the sham idea of “people who are like me, and people who are not like me.”

Jealousy, vindictiveness, and absolute unhappiness stare me in the face, just like the rest of the planet, and I have to keep a chin up and keep going.  Not to let anyone who is angry beat me down, not to let my strengths derail.  And I’m getting old.  The tribe is moved away, all the old friends and I split, and I’m left here.  I have my work, and sometimes I don’t know if it’s wise to keep going.  Should I just give it up and stay home?  I’m almost officially old enough.

Today

I’ve spent the day watching Charlotte Tilbury lipstick haul videos.  My lips get dry and crack with all the sun I was in as a child without any lip sunscreen.  So, I do a lipstick purge and repurchase, and this time I’m going for a quality product. I have the whole year to do my purge.  I have to get out and walk in this dangerous area for at least a half hour every day, so I can try to lose some of the weight that has plagued me for ages.

Sigh.  Sign off…..