I had a medical emergency thirteen days after my dads death this May. When I explain it to you, it will sound so simple, so easy to fix, but without treatment, it could have wound up being a medical disaster for me. I had a cyst on my back, that swelled up and got infected, the day of my dads funeral it was the size of half a lemon. It was scary. Getting back from the funeral in the southwest part of the state, the last thing I was thinking about was that cyst. I’d scratched at it for quite a while, but it hurt and itched, so I went to my Dermatologist and he came into the exam room, looked at it, poked it, and then turned around told me I needed a surgery. I was in a plastic surgeons office within three hours getting the infection cut out. They left it open, and it was the size of approximately a quarter and dime sitting one on top of the other in my back, a big hole, so it could drain. They told me that treating it would involve two surgeries, the first to drain the infection and let it heal up, and the second to remove the cyst capsule, so hopefully the thing would not come back. From May 13th to August 26th I was on a no exercise, no stress orders from the surgeon. He said that type of thing comes back if you have stress.
There is no such thing as a happy pill, some book you can read to automatically give you good judgement, a manual for getting romance of the lasting kind, ditto for money. Although, lots of people try, they’re typically way short of the mark. Smart and desperate don’t really mix, and so many of us suffer with our lacks, our challenges. This summer, for every last second of it, when I should have been grieving my dad’s death, I was in the house trying to avoid stress of any kind, so my cyst, which has plagued me for about ten years, would not come back. So I’d be free of that small worry. While laying on the table getting ready for the second surgery, I had a momentary urge to cancel, right as they slapped something cold on my leg, telling me it was so I wouldn’t feel the burn when they cauterized me. When the nurse said that to me, I wanted to jump right off the table and walk out the door never to return. What stopped me? I was afraid the day would come that I had no ability to get health care, and that miracle of me having insurance and a good doctor to help me with my cyst, could magically disappear somehow. I reasoned that if it was done now, perhaps I would never have to deal with it again. Unlike my dad’s death, I hoped it would not follow me for the rest of my life.
But his death has, and it’s not even a full year after. I know, I know, it’s the first holiday season, but we weren’t really big on holidays. With my parents divorce all I found is that I got a gift of money, and perhaps he had a small tree in that even smaller house he bought on the Southside of the city to be near the hospital. (Daddy purchased it 23 years before he died and a full five years before he ever got cancer.) I went to my mom’s house in another city to celebrate with my brother, and then later after my brother became ill, and shut himself away from the world, it was just my mom and I celebrating at someone else’s house. And that is what I have to look forward to this year, only, I am not really able to make it home for Thanksgiving.
To keep up with the holiday spirit, today I went looking for lights for that artificial tree someone gave me last year. It’s up in the living room now and is completely bare. I wanted the mini lights with a 15 way switch for multiple light patterns. I looked two places. No luck. I did laundry, and went to my dads house as I only took two smallish loads of clothes with me. I’d been avoiding the laundromat since Sherry died. I have this quirk, now that I’ve been out of work for about a decade, I only tend to meet those people who like me are out for some reason, of their normal life. Sherry left work because of an ailment, and this summer late, about two months after my dad passed, she became ill and died in the hospital two days later. I really liked her and though I didn’t know her well, I was sad to see her go. The dad’s house is now in the hands of his girlfriend, and she lets me use what I need there. I was out of the house for a whole two or so hours a day today, really good! I tend to stay at home. I just want to get home for Christmas, and get this house decorated so I can feel some holiday cheer!