My mom is emotionally needy. She’s always needed my brother and I to fix her problems with my dad, and of course, when we couldn’t, she was upset and believed we didn’t love her. She says this to me now, in our phone calls. She retired and moved to her hometown where only one of her sisters and the sisters children live, and they all agree with her. According to her, the fact I couldn’t get my dad to leave my mom alone when I was age 12 means I’m a bad daughter.
I don’t know if my mom realizes quite what she says. She’s saying that I as a child, should have handled what she as an adult couldn’t. I personally believe my mom is a walking nervous breakdown, and can’t deal with her life as a retiree. All I hear is the anger she has towards me, and all the rage. If I wanted an affectionate mother, I’d have to go somewhere else. I grew up in a home where I lived with the myth of the “one healthy parent and one sick parent.” That’s a lie to say either of them was emotionally healthy and capable of parenting. For my mom, being a parent is solely about money, about providing. She was good at that.
I’m a single woman who lives alone and I rarely travel to my parents hometown to see the extended family. I have met most of them at family functions but I don’t go see them ever. It’s not that I don’t like them, I simply don’t know them. Out of 70 some relatives I speak with only one of them at any length or depth. My mothers statements are definitely off putting. Who on earth wants to socialize with people whom you believe might not like you? If my mom is fighting to have her side of the family as her friends only–she wins! I have a monster mother. I believe I’ve never really been friends with her. Hmph.